HBS#2 – The Little Known Bill From the North Carolina Special Session to Change State Symbols

In a surprise move (and rather secretly passed and therefore, unnoticed), the North Carolina General Assembly passed yet another little-known special session proclamation known as a BM (bill maintenance) provision, that is tagged with another bill as a supplemental bill.

House Bill Supplement #2 (BS#2) will leave an indelible mark on the state of North Carolina to remind the Old North State of the GOP supermajority’s work this past week in the special session.

H-BS #2 officially changes many of the state symbols to reflect a more accurate portrayal of the true character of the current state of North Carolina.

  • State motto: From 1893 to 2016 it was “Esse quam videri” (“To be, rather than to seem”). However, beginning in 2017, the motto will be slightly switched to “To seem, rather than to be” as it will better reflect the value of talking about values rather than actually following up those words with actions.
  • State flower: From 1941 to 2016 it was the dogwood. However due to the ravenous nature for power that was displayed by the current NCGA GOP power grab in the special session, it was changed to the Venus Fly Trap, which was just the state’s carnivorous flower and now will take over the top floral position.
  • State bird: In 1943, the beautiful cardinal became the state bird of North Carolina. However, in 2017 it will become the vulture for its ability to feed off the carcasses of bills that actually would benefit most citizens of North Carolina.
  • State song: 1927 brought the state “The Old North State” as the state song which is appropriate; however, Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” will become the state song in January as it better fits the isolationist position that the GOP has placed the state in with bills like HB2.
  • State license plate motto: “First in Flight” will now become “First in Teacher Flight.”
  • State fish: The channel bass will now be replaced by the red herring as the red herring is by far the most used logical fallacy utilized by the NCGA GOP when attempting to explain the validity of its bills and laws.
  • State gemstone: The green emerald will now be replaced by pyrite, otherwise known as “Fool’s Gold.”
  • State beverage: Milk became the state beverage in 1987, but a slight modification will change that into “spilled Milk” because after losing the gubernatorial and the attorney general election in a year where Trump won the presidency, it was the crying over the spilled milk that allowed for the special session to commence.
  • State fruit: The scuppernong grape will now be replaced by “sour grapes.” Sour grapes seem to go best with spilled milk.
  • State Christmas Tree: The Fraser Fir was named the state Christmas tree in 2005, but the new H-BS #2 has stipulated that thee official Christmas trees now be not watered and dried out, much like the budgets for textbooks in public schools.
  • State document: For the first time on state history, North Carolina will have a state document. It will be the birth certificate as it not only proves that you were actually born, but validates which bathroom you can go into.
  • State dance – Currently, there are two such dances – the Carolina shag and clogging. However, these will be both replaced by the Texas two-step with an emphasis on not looking at your partner in the eye as to avoid directly having to address the person you are dancing with.

There is talk of introducing the rattlesnake as the state reptile, but many members were looking for an animal with more venom. However, in the long session a bill will be introduced that might eliminate a state vegetable as most vegetables are healthy and that would be antithetical to GOP policy.

Other categories that will be introduced to have state endorsed symbols for include:

  • State mode of privatizing public schooling
  • State form of ruining environment
  • State form of voter suppression
  • State form of gerrymandering

Much remains to be seen.

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