I’M on a blog and I’m blogging. I’M ON A BLOG, AND I’M BLOGGING!
Leave it to Buddy the Elf to best explain last week’s special session of the North Carolina General Assembly when the angry elves of the GOP decided for a power grab in the last minute to quash the Christmas cheer of the voters’ wishes.
- “The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.”
Translated: “The best way to spread GOP cheer is passing bills in a special session for no one to hear. But doing it during the Christmas season really does add to the festive nature of the special session.”
That whole “loud for all to hear” part? Never happens. That’s called transparency. Not part of their style.
- “You sit on a throne of lies!”
Actually, there is no translation needed here. They do sit on a throne of lies.
- “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.”
Translated: “We NCGA GOP members try to stick to the four main food groups: coal ash, gerrymandering, voter suppression, and privatization.”
- “I am a cotton-headed ninny-muggins!”
Actually, “they” are all much more than that.
- “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?”
The color is green in most cases – green with envy that they didn’t win the governor’s race or the Attorney General’s race. Or the state Supreme Court majority.
The color is yellow because of the nature of how they went about this recent power grab.
- “I planned out our whole day: First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, and then we’ll go ice skating, and then we’ll eat a whole roll of Toll-House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we’ll snuggle.”
Translated: “We planned out our whole special session. First we’ll make it look like we are helping people from Hurricane Matthew and the wildfires, and then we’ll seize a whole roll of power as fast as we can, and then to finish, we’ll blame it on the liberals.”
- “I just like to smile; smiling’s my favorite.”
Translated: “I just like to smile; smiling’s helping to cover my
- “Son of a nutcracker!”
“Nutcracker” really doesn’t capture the mood does it, but it is about as strong as word as Buddy can muster.
- “You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.”
No they don’t.
- “You did it! Congratulations! World’s best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It’s great to be here.”
Translated: “You did it! Congratulations! Country’s worst job of showing democracy in action.”
- “Does somebody need a hug?”
“Hug” is too gentle a word here.
- “Have you seen these toilets? They’re ginormous!”
Translated: “We still never repealed the bathroom bill.”
- “You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don’t smell like Santa.”
Well said Buddy, well said.