Now that Todd Chasteen has now been appointed to the NC State Board of Education, I would like to go ahead and ask that he and others on the board read the latest installment of the Fifty Shades of … book for possible inclusion in schools, or at least in the dialogue of what is happening in North Carolina.

I will offer only this table of contents to the SBOE and Mr. Chasteen in deference to any delicate sensibilities toward works of literature that actually display and describe the human condition through creative use of language, strong diction, vivid imagery, incredible detail, and varying syntax.

I must admit that the other books in this series really are not that well written and have one driving motif, but I would ask that this book, Fifty Shades of No Way, be investigated as it does accurately portray the climate and terrain of the Old North State.

Here is the list of chapter titles. There are 50 –Get it? Fifty Shades of No Way. In each chapter there is deception, manipulation, vivid imagery, hurt feelings, but most of all in each one of them someone is getting screwed pretty hard and often, mainly the citizens of North Carolina.

Enjoy

1. HB2 – Bathroom Bill
2. HB3 – 5.5% income tax cap – TABOR
3. Medicaid Expansion Denied
4. Voter ID Law
5. Gerrymandering of Districts
6. Duke Coal Ash Ponds
7. Fracking Industry Without Oversight
8. Teacher Pay still at the bottom tier in the nation
9. Removal of due-process rights for new teachers
10. Tom Ross Replaced With Margaret Spellings
11. Graduate Degree Pay Bumps Removed for new teachers
12. Bad Teacher Evaluation Systems
13. Push for Merit Pay
14. “Average” Raises and neglecting veteran teachers
15. Central Office Allotment Cuts
16. Rainy Day Fund That Can’t be Accessed Unless The Apocolypse Comes
17. Religious Freedom Bill
18. Attacks on Teacher Advocacy Groups (NCAE)
19. Revolving Door of Standardized Tests
20. Less Money Spent per Pupil in Traditional Public Schools
21. Remove Caps on Class Sizes
22. Jeb Bush School Grading System
23. Opportunity Grants Expansion
24. Allowing Private and Religious Schools To Profit From Tax Payer Money
25. Charter School Growth Without Regulation
26. Virtual Schools Deregulation
27. Achievement School Districts
28. Reduction of Teacher Candidates in Colleges
29. Elimination of Teaching Fellows Program
30. Governor’s Inability to Defend Policies to the Press
31. Governor’s Unwillingness to Defend Policies to the Press
32. Attacks on Teacher Assistants
33. Elimination of State Employees Rights to File Discrimination Suits in State Courts
34. Pissing Off Bruce Springsteen
35. Using God and Jesus as Political Crutches
36. Gov. Dan Forest’s request to have Charter School Report to be Rewritten
37. Buck Newton Keeping Our State Straight
38. House Bill 539 – Giving Charters Money For Services They Do Not Provide
39. Rowan-Salisbury Pepper Spray Proposal
40. Chad Barefoot’s Appt. to Senate Education Committee Chair
41. Teach For America Expansion Plans
42. SB 873 – Access To Affordable College Education Act
43. Clyde Edgerton and New Hanover County’s Superintendent
44. What the Teacher Working Conditions Survey Really Said
45. Arresting of Teachers Who Protested and Saying They Were At Fault
46. McCrory’s Didaskalithedemosiophobia – Yep, That’s What I said – Look it up on my Blog
47. SB867 – Background Checking Bill
48. Appointing People Who Are Not Qualified to the SBOE
49. Special Sessions of the General Assembly
50. Surreptitious Midnight Meetings to Craft Bills That Only Benefit a Few